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Life As Of Now

As I write this article now, I have no idea if people still say "YOLO" or not. YOLO or You Only Live Once started out as a cool motto popularized by rapper Drake in his song, "The Motto" about living life to the fullest. The problem is, YOLO became an excuse for dumbasses to make stupid life choices because "Hey, you only live once." Instead of using the inspiring motto to work on positive attributes in their lives like painting a mural, climbing a mountain or swimming with dolphins, YOLO is now the battle cry for a whole generation of social media frenzy kids to go out and party every night, do drugs and have sex without proper protection.

The problem with YOLO, besides what I just mentioned is that I am fully aware that we only live once. This time NOW is the only time I'll have on this Earth. It can be scary to think about at times but with limited time of life, it makes it all the more precious. It's no longer socially acceptable to live in a way that just pleases me and doesn't outrage others, I have to seize every day like the last and give it my all. It's not enough to work towards being happy later on in life-I have to be happy now, not then, not soon but right now. The problem with living in the moment as I see it is that I'm never quite sure if I've enjoyed myself until whatever I am doing is over with. I'll give you an example, I once chaperoned a school field trip with my niece who was 5 or 6 at the time to Port Discovery in Baltimore, MD. A part from a long tiring day of running around chasing snort nose kids all day and trying to hook up with another's kid's mom, I wasn't really sure if I was enjoying myself until I got home and had the chance to think back on the day's events. I had fun, my niece thoroughly enjoyed herself but was I living in the moment at that time? Most likely not. The range of happiness and pleasure one gets by living in the moment is very small unless you're drunk or high, you're generally stuck in the moment. Can you tell if you're enjoying a moment in that moment? I can't most of the time until the moment is done with and then I just living in the past so I'm not really enjoying the moment.

We as humans are too intelligent a species to live in the moment. Animals do that everyday because they generally have no sense of time, responsibility and shame which allows them to live everyday like it's their last because it might be. A lion in the jungle doesn't work five days a week at a dead end soul crushing job to cut loose on the weekends doing whatever it is it loves to do only to return on Monday to start the routine over again. A tiger doesn't go to school for 12 plus years to get a degree for a dream job.

Honestly living in the moment is a horrible idea if you think about it, there's a reason we are supposed to stop and think about our actions before we do them because being too impulsive can leave to damaging consequences. Prisons and Graves are full of people who lived in the moment. Enjoy life on your terms even if it takes a while to get to where you'd like to be. Don't rush things.

Too short term a goal and the only thing you'll enjoy is an orgasm

Too long term a goal and it'll all be a plan to enjoy something you'll never be able to get to

 

 

Did Desegregation Really Help The Black Community


If desegregation was such a good thing, why is the Black community worse today than it was during segregation? There has been a great deal of disconnect from how the Black community should be from the vision of our past generation to what has become of the Black community of today. The Black family was a lot more stable fourthy or fifty years ago and this was during a time when the conditions were much worse than today.

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Shame on you, PepsiCo! Shame on you!


In this day in age, I am baffled at how a major corporation like PepsiCo could green light a commercial that is stereotypical, insensitive and outright racist. Though the company has pulled the commercial and apologized (“We apologize for this video and take full responsibility. We have removed it from all Mountain Dew channels and Tyler is removing it from his channels as well,”), the damage has been done, the stereotypes have been reinforced, and the images displayed have been unjustifiably edged in the minds of many.

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Urban Therapy - Time to Grow Up or Move Out?

Question: I'm trying to better understand my partner's behavior. I feel that he is immature, has watched The Hangover too many times, doesn't always act his age and needs to grow up. It's not all the time but often enough that I am concerned. I know we are different and that men and women think and act differently but sometimes I am beside myself and past being annoyed.

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Urban Therapy - Too Hot For Summer?

 


Question: Now that it's summertime, it's naturally a time to wear cooler, comfortable and frankly lighter and smaller clothing. I don't think I've pushed the envelope too far with my summer wardrobe but my partner has recently began to take exception with some of my wardrobe choices. What has changed?

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Urban Therapy: Taking Life’s Questions and Giving Real Answers from the Heart

Urban Therapy: Taking Life’s Questions and Giving Real Answers from the Heart
What’s urban – I think it’s a state of mind or a manner of thinking. It might describe where you come from but it is in no way a bad thing. Why therapy? It’s a dirty word to a lot of people. With a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology, I believe it’s anything that can help you solve a problem, gain perspective or elevate your thinking. If you’re curious, check back often, you might find the answers to some of the questions you have yet to ask. Welcome.
Question: For the first time in my adult life I am not in a relationship and I don’t feel comfortable doing things alone. I usually focus on my relationship, or supporting my partner’s goals. How can I begin to create a new life with me as a focus?
Answer: Subtly women, particular mothers, become conditioned to taking care of others. It’s instinctual. But when the time comes for you to focus on you, it can feel like a task or it falls to the bottom of a never-ending to-do list. In the beginning it might be easier to say it than to do it but the more you do, the more familiar and less foreign it feels.
To start, I suggest a few things:
Use your supportive tendencies to support yourself. It’s not negotiable to skip a doctor’s appointment, veterinary appointment, doing the taxes or getting an oil change. You have to take that same approach with yourself. Schedule time for something that is nurturing to you and stick to it. It could be time at the spa, reading at a bookstore, having coffee or a cocktail, buying a luxury item you’ve been saving for or even window shopping. Be diligent but don’t overthink it. The more you think about it, the more opportunities you have to talk yourself out of it.
Start each day with two affirmations, one starting with “I want…” and “I need…” and think about these statements throughout the day. It can be as simple as “I want a latte and a muffin for breakfast” or as forward-thinking as “I would like to make a career change in the next year”. The end of the sentence doesn’t matter, getting into the practice of saying it is what will help you to shift your focus back to yourself.
Make a “me” list. Make a list of things YOU want to do – places YOU want to visit, restaurants YOU want to go to, movies YOU want to see, books YOU want to read. The next time you find yourself looking for something to do, refer to this list, choose an item and do it – by yourself. Be wary of thoughts that begin with “I’d like to…” – it will lead you into a pattern of thinking that it’s not a reality or that it’s dependent on something or someone else.
“Say no to drugs”. Not literal drugs but patterns of behaviors or thinking that aren’t self-fulfilling. Train yourself to avoid the addictive pattern of showing up more for others than you do for yourself. Addicts in recovery have to take every step imaginable to avoid and abstain from coming into contact with their triggering substance. It’s a dramatic example but the principle is still the same. It’s okay to be supportive of your children, friends or a partner if you’re in a relationship but you have to abstain from focusing almost solely on their wants or needs.
Never hesitate to reach out to friends and family and let them take the lead. They are experts at appreciating and loving the best parts of you.
~S~

What’s urban – I think it’s a state of mind or a manner of thinking. It might describe where you come from but it is in no way a bad thing. Why therapy? It’s a dirty word to a lot of people. With a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology, I believe it’s anything that can help you solve a problem, gain perspective or elevate your thinking. If you’re curious, check back often, you might find the answers to some of the questions you have yet to ask.   Welcome.

 

Question: For the first time in my adult life I am not in a relationship and I don’t feel comfortable doing things alone. I usually focus on my relationship, or supporting my partner’s goals. How can I begin to create a new life with me as a focus?

Read more...

Urban Therapy - Do good guys finish last?

Urban Therapy: Taking Life's Questions and Giving Real Answers from the Heart

 

Question: Is there truth to girls liking bad boys and good guys finishing last?

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When Rappers Go Over The Line... The Emmett Till Line


Lil’ Wayne, Mr. ‘Please Say Da Baby,’ is at the epicenter of another war of words. Only this time, the rapper isn’t feuding with another MC or taunting NBA players. His latest target is actually a child; a dead one at that who came to be one of the defining faces of the civil rights struggle: Emmett Till.

“Beat that p*ssy up like Emmett Till.”

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